Three Lessons of Leadership That Will Make You a Better Parent: Lesson Three

Thanks for stopping by to read the third and final lesson. The first lesson was on accountability, the second lesson discussed the importance of teaching your child to self-assess and the third and final lesson is regarding how to handle confrontation. Let's jump right into Lesson #3. 

3. Always assume a misunderstanding

Lesson #3: Always assume a misunderstanding. This golden rule was taught to me about 8 years ago and has truly changed my life personally and professionally. I believe that people want to do right. People want to please and no one truly wants to fail someone else. Before you get upset and blow a head gasket over an issue... assume a misunderstanding. Maybe it was a lack of communication? Maybe you weren’t on the same page? Maybe the instructions weren’t clear? Maybe the right expectations weren’t set? Or God forbid… maybe it’s YOU that is wrong! This goes hand in hand with accountability and self-assessing.

Do this at your work and you will find that you will get the truth almost 100% of the time. AND you will find that it was a misunderstanding 90% of the time (some people just like to argue….and their parents never taught them to self-assess).  Instead of picking up the phone or confronting a colleague or subordinate with “I can’t believe…”or “I’m so mad…”or “why did you…”, start the conversation like this - “I think we’ve had a misunderstanding”.

Do this with your children too. You will find that no one gets on the defensive. You can talk through the problem and come up with a next step to resolve the issue. It’s a great way to clarify if the right expectations were set with your child. This may seem difficult to institute with toddlers as they don’t fully understand a lot of things. HOWEVER, they will respond positive to you if you are reasonable with them. Here are a few examples:

1. Toddler draws on the wall with Crayons: Instead of screaming and throwing them in time-out without discussing it, have a short conversation with them about where it is appropriate to color (they must have misunderstood where they can and cannot color). Then put them in time-out as a consequence for their actions. They DO understand what you are saying. If you let them know what is right and wrong vs. just wrong, they will change their behavior.

2. Teenager misses curfew: Instead of yelling at them when they come in the door and grounding them for the next week… try assuming a misunderstanding. Wait up for them. When they get home say to them, “I think we must have had a misunderstanding.” Then get into the conversation of what the curfew was vs. what time they arrived. This is probably NOT a misunderstanding and the teenager just defied you… however, if you take this approach you should be able to have a conversation with your teenager about why they broke curfew, what the expectations are, respect for your rules and of course, the consequences for their actions. Who knows, maybe you’ll be able to find out more about what is going on with your teenager. They are more likely to open up and share things with you, if you are willing to listen to their side.

The bottom line is this: No one likes confrontation. No one responds well to it. When facing confrontation the natural instinct is to get defensive. If you assume a misunderstanding, you will open up the floor for discussion. Resolution will happen fast.

This concept also works GREAT with your spouse… try it!

             Four Generations of Johnson Excellence!

I hope you’ve enjoyed reading three of the lessons I’ve learned from leadership that have made me a better parent. I’m constantly trying to be a better person, parent, professional, wife, daughter, sister, and friend.

With that, I’d love to know some of the lessons you’ve learned. Let’s keep this one going….