3 Lessons of Leadership that Will Make You a Better Parent: Lesson One
By : Tara Renze
Posted May 15, 2009 11:16 to Prospects to Partners Blog
After spending years in corporate leadership, I learned many lessons that I have been able to apply to my personal life. I’ve had the good fortune of raising a beautiful son for the past 20 month
s, and my husband and I are excited to welcome another child into the world in a few weeks…yes I’m about to pop! The lessons I learned while in leadership are countless, but three have been the backbone of my parenting philosophies. Today we'll chat about the first lesson....stay tuned next week for lessons 2 and 3.
1. Accountability
Lesson #1: Take 100% accountability even if there are reasons why something did or did not happen. I think this has become my number one pet peeve in life…people who aren’t accountable for their actions, words, choices, children or people (from a leadership perspective). As a young leader, I realized that accountability will get you farther than any other trait you possess. No one likes excuses. So many are so quick to come up with a million reasons why something didn’t happen, why something did happen, why they aren’t at fault, why they missed a deadline, etc. Even if there are reasons, you must take accountability if you are the leader.
Same with parenting….you are the parent and must take accountability for your children’s actions. It’s too bad that our society has become a breeding ground for unaccountable kids. If they scored low on a test, it’s the teacher’s fault. If they get in trouble at school, it was the other kids fault. If they didn’t get enough playing time at the last game, it’s the coach’s fault. We need to teach our children to be accountable at a young age…this starts with the parents.
Example 1: They scored low on a test; next time you need to help them study harder or better. It’s okay to fail….this is how we learn. We learn from our mistakes. If they fail, help them discover why so they can win next time.
Example 2: Get them to make choices...start them at age 1. This is the classic Jim Fay "Love and Logic" principle. "It's nice to share our toys. If you don't want to share, that's your choice, but then you aren't going to get to play with any other toy." Watch how quickly they will pass the toy to another child so they can explore all the toys. To learn more about "love and logic" visit http://www.loveandlogic.com.
Hold your people accountable and hold your children accountable - they might push back on you - but deep down they love accountability. Think of the best coach you ever had in your life....it wasn't the coach who let you out of practice early, told you it was okay to lose, didn't care if you improved or not. It was the coach who pushed you the hardest, made you sweat, pushed your limits, challenged you to work harder, was honest with your performance... and then celebrated the heck out of your wins. Do this for your people, do this for your children. They'll respect you for it and they'll grow more than you ever imagined.
Stay tuned next week for lessons 2 and 3... in the mean time... I'd love to hear some of the lessons you've learned from leadership that have made you a better parent, friend or spouse.
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Awesome lessons and ones that took me longer than you to discover and implement. I’m forever amazed at how our personal and family life lessons apply so perfectly in the business world! Hooray for parents that are great leaders who take accountability. Deb Hamacher;Full Potential Coaching and Consulting
Tara – this is Gold!…Gold I’m telling you!
Seriously, what a great post and a key reason why a lot of people don’t perform well. It’s tough to learn from a mistake when you don’t admit to having any!
Thanks for sharing!
Shawn
Tara,
Nice post. I agree that accountability is a most important characteristic to instill whether in kids or people in general.
Kids become unaccountable because they are not held accountable by authoritative figures in their life and society. The foundation for accountability falls squarely upon Parents, but extends outward to others as kids move through stages.
From a personal perspective, I coach kids (K-8th) in basketball and football. Two of the most important things I have to communicate and establish for individual/team success are accountability and discipline. It is shocking how many kids come new to my teams with an expectation of little accountability and little to no discipline. I cover it up front with parents and kids at the start of each season.
As each kid understands the accountability (admitting, accepting, eliminating, etc) to themselves and the team, so many things improve for our team (cohesion, drills, practice efficiency).
From a scholastic perspective, I believe it is critical for Parents to start in K-1 and solidify this grounding of accountability in Grades 1-3. This directly impacts success in social interactions with peers/authority and studies (initial homework).
PS: I did not have to work as hard on accountability with my middle child/current 4th Grader – as she benefited from the accountability lessons to the older child during 2nd-4th grade. As she tells me – “Dad, I already heard you with my brother – so I got it!”
David
da best. Keep it going! Thank you